Addressing Our Fears

If we are looking for a place of focus to begin our path to healing or get to the root of a personal issue of vulnerability, we can choose to clear the causes and root sources of fear from our lives. Fear can live in our memories, in our day to day interactions, and through particular confrontations and triggers. Fears are often deeply embedded and hidden within our psyche, making them difficult to identify. Negative ego programs or our lower mental functioning, tell us that we need fear in order to survive or to keep us safe, but this is quite the opposite. The ego is not our true self and feeds us ideas of separation, judgmental attitudes, and dictates our activities with base uncontrolled emotional states and beliefs. When we are in these various states of unawareness, we are not in control of ourselves and allow these mental programs and external influences to take the wheel and run our lives.

Fears may be commonly and collectively shared, such as the fear of insects, rodents, and snakes and other predators or pests we share this planet with. Fear presents itself as perceived threats of survival- the idea that someone is threating our safety, our home, our material possessions, our loved ones, or our life. Fears can be completely illogical and manifest as phobias that may stem from a number of sources- including nightmares, childhood traumas, and collective subconscious programs. The most common fears stem from how we perceive and feel about ourselves- our self image, identity, and abilities; our learned beliefs; and our misunderstandings about the true nature of our spiritual energetic selves and our relationship to the greater whole.

When attempting to identify a fear or when confronted with a fearful thought or situation, apply logic and reason to the fear. Once you have identified the fear, acknowledge and accept it. Scientifically examine the fear and ask yourself these questions: Is this fear logical? Does this fear make sense? What it so important about this fear? What is this fear telling me about myself? Explore the fear without judgement. Be objective and attempt to understand the fear and try to determine where the fear is sourcing from. Does this fear hold any merit? How is this fear controlling you? Imagine what your life would be like if you were free of it. Be creative and imagine various ways you could go about freeing yourself from this particular fear. Resolve to set a goal to take action and steps towards eliminating the fear. It may require the help of a professional if you are experiencing a phobia that doesn’t seem to have any logical or identifiable source and it is debilitating and is too frightening to even think about resolving it on your own.

Generally our fears have to do with our sense of safety. When we feel unsafe, uncertain, or our wellbeing is threatened, we automatically play out fear. Fear of harm either physical or mental. We take measures to protect ourselves from these perceived or very real threats. Not only do we have mental ego processes that kick in during these confrontations, but there are also biological processes that take place that influence our behavioral reactions to these stressors. This is called fight or flight reaction. When experiencing extreme fear and trauma, adrenaline begins to pump through our bodies causing us to either freeze up and become immobile or pass out, flee the situation, become violent or fight either verbally or physically. These reactions prevent us from having the ability to think clearly and respond appropriately or in some cases prevent us from our personal safety. Although these biological reactions may be appropriate responses when our reasoning fails us, for example in order to help us deter a wild animal predator, they are not helpful to keep us safe in any situation where our wisdom, self awareness, and self control is required.

Anger may mask and play out as fear, especially when we are not in touch with our emotions and are not willing to or have not learned how to identify or examine the relationship between our emotional states and our behaviors. Much like the animal confronted in the wild or an injured pet snarling and baring it’s teeth, it’s actually their fear, not aggression that you are seeing. It’s a defense mechanism, the fight part of the fight or flight physiological response to the fearful confrontation. Often when we react angrily in a situation it is our ego acting out in fear in order to give us this false sense of safety, to protect ourselves from harm. Lashing out in an ego defense mechanism only causes more harm. When you find yourself in this situation, it is important to determine what you are afraid of and what the ego is trying so hard to hide or protect.

If left unchecked, the mind is a dangerous playground. If we are not in control of our mental and emotional states, we are placing our focus on non beneficial and generally harmful thoughts and our energies are expended on what is not in our best interest. I call these looping thought patterns of fear, the whatifs based on the Shel Silverstein poem called, “Whatif”.  Whatifs are questions we ask ourselves that are the egos way of trying to prepare us for a challenge. If we are not clear with our thoughts and mental states this can run amok and backfire on us and turn into panic, anxiety, and paranoia. If we are placing all our thoughts and energies on what could possibly go wrong, we aren’t leaving any room for focusing on everything that can or could go right. A simple way to defuse this is to make lists and get what’s going on in your head in front of you so you can see what thoughts are playing in your mind. Another method is to address the fearful thought or emotion as if it were a person. Treat it respectfully, calmly, and objectively. Tell the thought, “no thank you” and refuse it access. Just as you’d set boundaries and assert yourself lovingly towards someone that is harming you with their behavior or attitude or pushing something on you that you do not want, tell the recurring fear thought, “no”. For example, a dialogue with this technique might go something like this: “I can see why you might think that, but it simply is not true. I am going to have to ask you to leave. You are not in charge here. I am in charge and I need you to sit down and hush. I understand what you’re trying to do, but it’s just not working for me. Thanks. I love you. Bye!”

Another technique I have used is an acronym to help remember the steps. It’s similar to the HALT method of self care awareness that helps you check in with your personal needs. When you feel yourself emotionally spiraling out of control, stop and ask yourself, “am I…Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired?” This is a quick check in to address the initial issues of your physical and emotional needs. When we are physically run down it’s much easier to fall into negative polarity states and succumb to what our uncontrolled thoughts are dictating. The acronym for this particular method I’ve come up with to help deal with confusing thoughts and emotional states is ODARN. Observe, Discern, Accept, Release, (apply)Neutrality. Similar to the scientific method of identifying a big interfering lifetime fear and addressing it, the ODARN method is for those small daily annoying harmful thought forms that act as pests and prevent us from thinking clearly, calmly, and truthfully from our heart space. The method doesn’t need to follow the order of steps in the acronym name, but whatever order works best in the situation. Although observation is generally the first step of checking in with our thoughts and feelings, neutrality may need to be applied first, to the situation or thought, in order to diffuse the intense emotions. Discern the what, where, and why of this thought or feeling. What am I feeling? Where is this thought or feeling coming from? Why am I thinking this or feeling this way? Accept that you have allowed yourself to experience a particular feeling you didn’t want to feel or any harmful thoughts, words, or actions that upset you. Forgive yourself, any others responsible, or the situation itself and then release it. Release anything you are still feeling that is leftover from that emotional state or event that took place.

Fear is used as a controller tactic and to hook people into addictive states of focus to sell TV air time and promote political agendas and strategies of domination and division. I am going to drop yet another acronym: FEAR- False, Evidence, Appearing, Real. This is the distraction technique of look here and pay no attention to the concerns and scenarios we should actually be made aware of and placing our energies towards solving. Fear is extremely disruptive and destructive and this is precisely why it is used to manipulate the opinions and belief systems of groups of people to suit the agendas of various controller groups. It’s extremely important for us to remain discerning and diligent of these tactics used by individuals and small and large groups that seek to oppress and dominate by preying on our existing fears and contriving methods of instilling fear in us.

When we are lacking in an emotional identification system and context of our emotional behaviors or emotional IQ, when we are not mindful of our inner dialogue and thought processes, when we have unhealed trauma and unidentified ego defense mechanisms, when we have low self worth and other false belief systems, we are inevitably going to have fear calling the shots in our lives. Overcoming fear is not an easy road. It takes deep and intense soul work. If we choose to take steps toward our freedom and sovereignty, then we must pursue this path to freedom by clearing our fears. We no longer need to be dominated and controlled by fear. We can resolve to get out of our own way and liberate ourselves from the frequency of fear that keeps us stuck in these cycles of mental bondage. Through our self discovery and mastery we can use the tools and techniques to help heal us and apply the wisdom of our inner knowingness and unconditional love in order to feel safe, to trust again, and to let go of our fears.

Do your best to replace all your fears with love,

Trust in life’s process,

K. Miller

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